Marriage binds and protects a couple, a family -- children and parents -- and is part of the glue that holds our communities together. Its personal meaning and purpose to each citizen of Wisconsin are as diverse as our population and are molded by our life experiences, education, culture, economic background, spiritual beliefs, and community involvement. Regardless of how we feel and where we stand on this subject, one thing is clear -- the freedom to marry is every American citizen's right -- guaranteed and protected under our state and federal constitutions, a law inclusive regardless of our skin color. However, in a year, marriage discrimination may become law in Wisconsin.
      In November 2006, the citizens of Wisconsin will likely vote on a constitutional amendment affecting thousands of families. This proposed amendment would ban marriage and civil unions of any kind for gay couples, thus denying hundreds of protections and rights for their families. State lawmakers are likely to pass the constitutional amendment a second time sometime in 2006, and they are expected to place it on the ballot in November 2006.
      Why does marriage matter to me and why I should vote NO on this amendment? The need for me to share my views on this subject is no accident. This issue is not just about me; Bill, my loving partner for 10 years, our three teen-agers, Kaimo, 14, Nik, 15, and Karen, 17. It is also about thousands of other families who want no special rights; just equal respect, recognition, and protection as our constitution states. The proposed constitutional amendment will hurt my family and these other families by denying the critical protections that come automatically with marriage, but are very costly and difficult to impossible to obtain otherwise.
      Currently, couples like Bill and I are denied the legal protections vital to maintaining our family. Britney Spears can marry a stranger and automatically have legal rights and protections, and then end it sooner than her bouquet lands on the ground, but hundreds of thousands of committed, sober and longtime gay and lesbian partners cannot marry at all.
      Marriage licenses give over 1,000 rights, benefits, and responsibilities under federal law and nearly 200 more under Wisconsin law, including basic things such as shared health and retirement benefits and bereavement leave in the case of death in the family. Denying the important legal protection of marriage hurts families like ours.
      Every day, our children, like all kids, bring home papers from school that need our attention and signature. It may sound simple, but for Bill it is painful to have to be reminded on a daily basis that despite his equal involvement in raising our kids, he cannot sign these papers. When it comes to our kids, Bill and I always have to figure out what is legal for him to do, as our inability to marry each other limits his ability to parent and attend to their needs. Bill never fails their needs especially when I am not around. He may take our children to all of their games, lessons, school meetings, and medical appointments; help with their homework every night; and prepare their dinner each day; but he has no right to represent me or be there for them in times of emergencies.  He could be stopped from picking them up from school for no other reason than his inability to be their legal guardian, a protection that comes automatically with marriage.
      One winter morning in 2001, I found myself lying on the cold concrete of Madison's Beltline Highway, waiting to be rescued by an ambulance. I was hit head on by a drunk driver. Luckily, my injuries were not overly serious, and the hospital staff allowed Bill to enter my hospital room. Perhaps they could have even let him make an emergency decision for me had the need arisen. This is not usually the reality for many loving lifelong same-sex couples, who are daily denied rights at times of emergency or bereavement. I shudder to think what would have happened to our family had the incident been worse. Bill would have no right to take care of our children or me.
      Another reason for opposing this amendment is that it simply goes too far. The amendment will not only ban our freedom to marry, a freedom we do not currently have anyway; it will also ban any legal status that is identical or substantially similar to marriage. This means that civil unions or state-sanctioned domestic partnerships, which could offer many necessary legal protections short of marriage, would be banned. The proposed amendment will also threaten any form of legal protection for unmarried couples -- whether they are gay or straight. I hope the citizens of Wisconsin will realize the far-reaching impact of this amendment before they make a decision.
      Why should this subject matter to my community? Lesbian and gay people have no common country of origin, race, ethnicity, or skin color. We come from Asia, Europe, Africa, Australia, and America, democracies and dictatorships, developed and developing nations. We are as ubiquitous as marriage. A term for us exists in every language. Marriage may mean different things to people, but we all agree that it is about love, commitment, protection, and family./Of course, the times, the culture, and our country of origin may influence our understanding of marriage, its ways and rules, and the roles of those involved. But in every society, marriage is an institution that informs everyone of a couple's love for and commitment to each other. Marriages are both religious ceremonies and legal and economic compacts.
      I have hesitated to talk about marriage equality, because in my first attempt to seek our community's help to shed light on my and others' struggle, I was told that it is irrelevant to the Asian community and too touchy a subject; that it is not a civil rights issue, but rather a group with particular lifestyle asking for special rights. I went home sulking in disappointment. But after some reflection, it is the same community, which I believe I belong to, was pulling me back to bring this issue up again.
      Gay and lesbians face many of the same obstacles our great Asian leaders confronted and still confront on issues of equality and civil rights. The following statements compiled in a 1996 column by the Chicago Tribune's Eric Zorn illustrate this correspondence in the case of marriage equality:
* An anti-gay group declares that extending the right to marry to gay couples would result in "a degraded and ignoble population incapable of moral and intellectual development."; Group members say they based their stand on the "natural superiority with which God (has) ennobled heterosexuals."
* A Georgia lawmaker states that allowing gay people to marry necessarily involves degradation of conventional marriage, an institution that "deserves admiration rather than execration."
* A Kentucky congressman warns, "The next step will be that gay and lesbians will demand a law allowing them, without restraint, to have free and unrestrained social intercourse with your unmarried sons and daughters." He adds: "It is bound to come to that. There is no disguising the fact. And the sooner the alarm is given and the people take heed, the better it will be for our civilization."
* A Missouri judge ruled, "When people of the same sex marry, they cannot possibly have any progeny -- And such a fact sufficiently justifies those laws which forbid their marriage."
* A Virginia state law says marriage between gay couples are "abominable"; and would "pollute" American society.
* In denying the appeal of a same-sex couple that tried to marry, a Georgia court ruled that such marriages are "not only unnatural, but-always productive of deplorable results. They are productive of evil, and evil only, without any corresponding good (in accordance with) the God of nature."
* Attorneys for the state of Tennessee say gay and lesbian couples should be prevented from marrying because they are "distasteful to our people and unfit to produce the human race." The state supreme court agrees, ruling that extending the freedom to marry would be "a calamity full of the saddest and gloomiest to the generations that are to come after us."
* Lawyers for the state of California say a law preventing gay people from marrying is necessary to prevent "traditional marriage from being contaminated by the recognition of relationships that are physically and mentally inferior (and entered into by) the dregs of society."
     You may be surprised to learn these statements were not made in opposition to same-sex marriage. They were actually made prior to 1964 by opponents of interracial marriage. Zorn simply replaced racial terminology with references to sexuality to highlight the similarity of the battles that interracial couples faced and gays and lesbians are dealing with now.* How would our Asian communities react to these suggestions that interracial couples cannot procreate, that they are mentally and physically inferior, or that they may cause the contamination of young children's minds? I can understand why some Asian leaders may want to shy away from talking about this issue, knowing how it was used as a wedge across the nation during last year's national and local elections. I believe last year's lesson for those truly affected by this issue is clear: We need to put a human face on it for our community to know that this is about friends, neighbors, co-workers, and family members, who demand nothing more than equality.
      Must we stop and be silent because others wish not to hear the injustices inflicted on us only because we are different? I am afraid not. Lesbian and gay couples and their families need the protection that marriage offers. The last thing we should do is enshrine unequal treatment in our constitution.
      We hope some of you will open your door as Bill and I and others pass by on the long road to reach voters, if this issue comes to a constitutional amendment. Beginning this November, we will be making calls, holding discussions, and welcoming invitations to help shed light on why this matters to you and your community. We will be glad to hear your views and questions. You can reach us at (608) 233-1768 or by e-mail at bebotandbill@hotmail.com. For further information and updates, log onto www.actionwisconsin.org.

* Eric Zorn, "Marriage Issue Just as Plain as Black and White," Chicago Tribune, May 19, 1996.
Why marriage equality matters
by Al Poliarco
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