Page Title
Editor's corner/ Over a cup of tea
Heidi M. Pascual*
Publisher & Editor
* 2006 Journalist of the Year
for the State of Wisconsin
(U.S.-SBA)
Publisher & Editor
* 2006 Journalist of the Year
for the State of Wisconsin
(U.S.-SBA)
Twilight years
In the United States of America, nursing homes are profitable business ventures because
old folks are "retired" there. They are taken care of by paid care givers because family
members are unable to take care of them personally. Everybody is so busy at work or
taking care of their own children that it is impossible to have time to care for the very old
ones who could not take care of themselves anymore.
In developing countries like the Philippines, it is part of the culture to take care of our old
folks(parents and grandparents) in our own homes. And although changes are swiftly
happening due to Western influence, it is still the norm to keep our old folks at home,
regardless of whether or not the family has health insurance. Family members take turns in
looking after the needs of our aging parents or grandparents, and often, they hire a
housemaid to do the job for them. The important thing is, the old folks stay at home, not
somewhere else.
and volunteered to do the job for a fee. It's
now our turn to say "Thank you for
everything you have done for us."
My siblings and I, though we're away from
Tatay and Aunt Onor, are doing the best
we can to make their lives comfortable in
their old age. I wish they could stay at my
"home" in Manila, but I don't have any. I
stay with one of my children when I am in
the Philippines, and I stay either at my
sisters' homes in Chicago or Houston; or
at my condo in Madison when I am
abroad. I am a bedouin of sorts, and as
one, it's difficult to personally take care of
anyone needing daily attention. I guess I
also have my "own problems." But I make
sure my Aunt Onor and Tatay are provided
well enough.
I myself don't want to be in a nursing home
someday, and neither do I want to be
rejected by my own family due to old age
or severe illness. I still believe in these
sayings: "Love begets love" and "You reap
what you sow." I pray that in my twilight
years, life would be more peaceful and full
of love. Only then can I tell myself that my
life's journey has been successful.
now our turn to say "Thank you for
everything you have done for us."
My siblings and I, though we're away from
Tatay and Aunt Onor, are doing the best
we can to make their lives comfortable in
their old age. I wish they could stay at my
"home" in Manila, but I don't have any. I
stay with one of my children when I am in
the Philippines, and I stay either at my
sisters' homes in Chicago or Houston; or
at my condo in Madison when I am
abroad. I am a bedouin of sorts, and as
one, it's difficult to personally take care of
anyone needing daily attention. I guess I
also have my "own problems." But I make
sure my Aunt Onor and Tatay are provided
well enough.
I myself don't want to be in a nursing home
someday, and neither do I want to be
rejected by my own family due to old age
or severe illness. I still believe in these
sayings: "Love begets love" and "You reap
what you sow." I pray that in my twilight
years, life would be more peaceful and full
of love. Only then can I tell myself that my
life's journey has been successful.
There have been cases of abuse, of course, but statistics show a small number that would
make the centuries-old practice taboo today.
A few days ago, I visited my aging father and her sister, my aunt Onor, who has Alzheimer's Disease in the barangay
where they live. You probably would ask, "Why is your father not living with you?" The answer is, my father left our family
when I was 11 years old; and then, he remarried recently with someone we don't even know. We, his children, never
had the chance to really feel how it was to have a father. Being the eldest, I guess I was the only one who remembers a
little bit how it was. My younger brother Rick, could only remember how painful it was when my father hit him in the face
and left his ear bleeding. He was probably only about seven or eight years old when that happened. My youngest sister
Nancy doesn't really know Tatay (father) because she was still in my mother's womb when Tatay left us.
Aunt Onor helped our family survive those years without my father. She's single, had a flourishing business in Manila,
and she had volunteered to take care of nephews and nieces who were studying in the big city. She and her sister
Dada Juling took care of my younger siblings when my mother left for the U.S. to work, up to the time mom got her
children to be with her in Chicago. Meanwhile, I was at the University of the Philippines in Los Banos on a scholarship.
Aunt Onor has been our second mother in my mom's absence. We owe her a lot.
When I left the country to emigrate in the U.S. in the late '90s, Aunt Onor was already back in the province and living in
the home of one of our cousins whom she helped send to college. My cousin died a few years ago, and since then, no
one among Aunt Onor's other nieces and nephews living in the neighborhood wanted to take care of her. They
complained of their own family problems and admitted inability to provide health care especially since Aunt Onor is now
paralyzed. My father, upon my urging, agreed to "go home" and look after her sister, and a distant relative came forward
make the centuries-old practice taboo today.
A few days ago, I visited my aging father and her sister, my aunt Onor, who has Alzheimer's Disease in the barangay
where they live. You probably would ask, "Why is your father not living with you?" The answer is, my father left our family
when I was 11 years old; and then, he remarried recently with someone we don't even know. We, his children, never
had the chance to really feel how it was to have a father. Being the eldest, I guess I was the only one who remembers a
little bit how it was. My younger brother Rick, could only remember how painful it was when my father hit him in the face
and left his ear bleeding. He was probably only about seven or eight years old when that happened. My youngest sister
Nancy doesn't really know Tatay (father) because she was still in my mother's womb when Tatay left us.
Aunt Onor helped our family survive those years without my father. She's single, had a flourishing business in Manila,
and she had volunteered to take care of nephews and nieces who were studying in the big city. She and her sister
Dada Juling took care of my younger siblings when my mother left for the U.S. to work, up to the time mom got her
children to be with her in Chicago. Meanwhile, I was at the University of the Philippines in Los Banos on a scholarship.
Aunt Onor has been our second mother in my mom's absence. We owe her a lot.
When I left the country to emigrate in the U.S. in the late '90s, Aunt Onor was already back in the province and living in
the home of one of our cousins whom she helped send to college. My cousin died a few years ago, and since then, no
one among Aunt Onor's other nieces and nephews living in the neighborhood wanted to take care of her. They
complained of their own family problems and admitted inability to provide health care especially since Aunt Onor is now
paralyzed. My father, upon my urging, agreed to "go home" and look after her sister, and a distant relative came forward
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