Jian Ping's column
Conversations between a mother and a
daughter
Jian Ping is author of “Mulberry Child: A Memoir of
China. “ For more information, visit www.moraquest.
com  or www.mulberrychild.com. Jian Ping’s blog,
which she keeps with a couple of other authors, is at
www.smearedtype.com.
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Jian Ping
It was triggered by a number of text messages between Lisa and me one recent evening.

"Moooom," my phone flashed with a text from Lisa. The numerous "oooo" indicated her sense of frustration.

"I’m afraid my life is flying by… and I’m getting complacent and scared of risk," she continued.  

"Complacent and be at peace is not a bad thing," I wrote back. "You're living an extraordinary life!"

"That’s just it. I’m terrified I won’t live an extraordinary life," Lisa texted back. "I want to live the most that I could possibly live,
and experience everything this life has to offer. "

We went back and forth, while I tried to persuade her to be patient, learn, and explore, she was feeling more urgent that time
is flying by too fast and she must initiate big changes in her life.

We summarized our "conversation" in our first blog at Asian Fortune. Take a look when you have a chance and join us in our
conversation.

We're off to China for a two-week vacation starting the first week of May. Lisa is an avid world traveler. At 27, she has traveled
to 40 countries around the world, in her word: "I’m a pro in getting the most out of abridged periods of time (e.g. long
weekend, two weekends and a work week). In the past 6 months, I’ve made personal trips to Guatemala and Belize;
Patagonia; Turkey and the Balkans." Many times, she traveled solo, enjoying the pace she liked on her own. While I worry
about her safety, I also marvel at the opportunities she has and her passion for exploring different cultures and peoples
around the globe.

Last time we traveled together was when we attended the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. I remember spending a sleepless
night waiting for her to return to our hotel room—she stayed with a group of my colleagues at a night club when I retired for
the night at 11 p.m. I was furious when the door clicked open at 4 a.m. and she tiptoed in. When I protested, she said she
was being considerate, otherwise, she would have come back at 6 a.m. I could hardly get enough energy watching the
games the following day.

Recently at a Q & A session, I commented that Lisa was a very reluctant participant in the making of the film. She kept telling
me "this is your project, not mine." I told the audience that no Chinese daughter would make such a statement to her mother.
By Jian Ping

Asian Fortune, a Washington D. C. based monthly newspaper, recently invited my daughter,
Lisa, and me to do a blog titled conversations between an American daughter and her mother.
I was pleased that Lisa readily agreed to do so, for such conversations will further our
communication with each other, either in general terms or on personal issues.

Despite an uneasy feeling about turning our conversation public, I also welcome the
challenge. Ever since the release of Mulberry Child movie, the feature-length documentary film
based on my book, Lisa has done numerous Questions & Answers (Q & A) sessions with me
at various venues of the film's screenings, be it at a film festival, a commercial show, a
licensed screening, or a classroom for immigrant studies. Although we still don't see things
eye to eye on most of the issues, we have grown a lot closer—the forum of addressing
questions from the audiences has provided us with the opportunities of hearing each other,
consequently, helping us gain a much better understanding of each other.
I'm a writer, however, growing up in China and having learned to deal with challenges resiliently and silently, I'm not good at
expressing my emotions, or rather, not willing to express them. These Q & A sessions have played a positive role in forcing
me to open up, and listening to Lisa on an equal footing.

Lisa has expressed similar realization. At a Q & A recently after the screening of Mulberry Child at the Beverly Arts Center in
Chicago, Lisa responded to a woman's question regarding our relationship by saying that we are much closer now since the
release of the film, and added, "the Q & A is our cheapest therapy."

The audience laughed, and I did, too. But I must
say that addressing the audiences' questions
did push us to deal with issues that would have
normally been swept under a rug. Opening the
communication channel, even in this public
venue, has been very therapeutic and helpful.

Now turning our discussions into a blog at Asian
Fortune and making our differences known to a
wider audience, we hope, will engage more
people to reflect on cross-cultural and cross–
generational issues.  In Chinese we'd say what
we are doing is "                     "—"offering
commonplace comments so that others may
come up with more valuable opinions."

Our first blog went live late in April, and the topic
is on risk-taking and happiness.
Jian Ping and her daughter Lisa at the Palm Springs Internationall Film
Festivals where Mulberry Child won "Best of the Fest."
Lisa took that in while looking at me, and as soon
as I finished, she took over the microphone and
told the audience that no Chinese mother would
have thrown her personal life on to a screen.

Again, the audience laughed, and I laughed along,
too, admitting that we both have deviated from the
typical path of a Chinese mother and daughter.

Now that Lisa is more mature, and we are closer
(have learned to live with our differences and
respect each other), I'm looking forward to our trip
to China and conduct more "conversations"
through our blog and in real life.